Just like pizza, even bad sex is pretty damn good. But not all sex is created equal.
Here’s the definitive ranking of every kind of sex from worst to best:
15. Whiskey Dick Sex
When the guy is too drunk to, err, function, it’s not going to be a fun time for anyone.
14. Still Living With Your Parents Sex
Not much is worse than having to have sex only when your parents aren’t home. Or having to stay impossibly quiet. Or having your mom walk in on you. shudder
13. Sex On The Beach
In theory, sex on a deserted island with the cabana boy sounds like a dream come true. But in reality, it’s far from a fantasy scenario. You will get sand in places you never even thought you could. And who wants to deal with that?
12. First Time Sex
Let’s be honest: having sex for the first time — whether you’re a virgin or just with a new partner — can be a bit awkward. You don’t really know what you’re doing and haven’t learned what makes your partner tick. The chances of a female cumming during first time sex is also slim to none. Doesn’t sound fun to me.
11. Shower Sex
Shower sex is supposed to be a blast, but all you end up doing is getting conditioner in your eyes, slipping in the tub, and hitting your head on the tiles.
10. Waiting For Takeout Sex
There’s nothing like a deadline to get your heart racing and blood pumping. Who doesn’t love a good quickie while waiting for the pizza delivery guy to arrive?
9. Morning Sex
Morning breath is never attractive, but if you can get over than morning sex is pretty damn great. You get to start off the day with a little extra pep in your step.
8. Goodbye Sex
Saying goodbye to a lover — whether it’s a vacation fling or a soon-to-be-ex — is bittersweet. You might be emotionally detached, but your physical chemistry is still going strong. Chances are you’ll both give it all you’ve got and have an awesome last memory together.
7. Tipsy Sex
Being buzzed without being blackout drunk leads to some of the most carefree sex you’ll ever have — which is a great time to get out of your comfort zone and have a little more fun than sober you would.
6. High Sex
Some of the most relaxed sex you’ll ever have is when you’re high as a kite. And the more relaxed you are, the more likely you are to have an orgasm.
5. Makeup Sex
Makeup sex after a fight is both passionate and cathartic. You get to release all that pent up aggression and bond with your partner in order to move past your disagreements.
4. Hotel Sex
Staying in a hotel with your partner basically guarantees you’re getting laid. If you and your partner manage to getaway for a few days, you know you’ll be taking advantage of the fact that no one who sees you or hears you will ever see you again. Go ahead, hang up that ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.
3. Kinky Sex
Whether you’re experimenting with new positions or new toys, kinky sex is a great way to spice up your love life. Who wants to have vanilla sex in the missionary position with the lights off and the sheets on every single night. Not me.
2. Public Sex
There’s something so liberating about having sex in a public place. Sneaking off during your friend’s party or getting it on in the car are taboo enough to be exciting but tame enough that you probably won’t get caught.
1. Love Sex
Every type of sex is unique, but there’s something so different about sex with someone you love. When you’re in love, the act of sex isn’t just a physical one; it combines your feelings, emotions, and intimacy, bringing you so much closer to your partner.
SHARE which kinds of sex you think are the worst and the best!