Jealousy is an inevitable part of being in a relationship. And a healthy bit of jealousy is a good thing — you’re reminded that your man is desirable and he’s reminded that you want to hold onto him. Simply put, it means you care. If your S.O. never got a little jealous of you or vice versa, chances are one of you isn’t all that emotionally invested.
But jealousy can easily grow and poison what would be an otherwise solid relationship. When you keep your jealousy pent up inside, it’s bound to rear its ugly head and render your partnership toxic.
Do you find yourself stalking your guy’s Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter all the time? What about going through his phone, email, or briefcase? Have you even driven by his house or work to see if his car was there? This type of behavior is unhealthy and an indicator that you severely lack trust in your partner.
Whether you’re in a brand new relationship or you’ve been married for several years, snooping and stalking — both in real life and online — is probably causing more harm than good.
Not only will it ruin the trust between you two — especially if you get caught — but it will also just increase your suspicions, even if you don’t find any proof. Your jealousy will not let your mind rest until you snoop or stalk again. This is self-harm at it’s finest.
The healthiest way to deal with jealous feelings is to talk about them — first to yourself and then to your partner.
You need to take some time to yourself to reflect why exactly you are feeling jealous. Is your partner acting suspicious, becoming more private, or behaving inappropriately? Are there other women in his life that make you uneasy? Or have you just been building problems up in your head because an ex of yours cheated on you and now you’re a bit jaded? It’s important that you are honest with yourself about why you are feeling this way, or you’ll never have a productive conversation with your man.
Once you know what you feel and why you feel it, it’s time to sit down with your guy and have a calm, mature heart to heart.
If you come into the conversation with guns blazing, your partner will be extremely defensive and unlikely to see anything from your point of view. Be blunt about your feelings, but try not to point the finger too much or make any unfounded accusations. This will only make you look irrational and shut down the conversation.
Instead of shifting all the blame onto your man and making it seem like it’s all your fault for being jealous, consider a more productive approach. Suggest things he could do that would make you feel more secure in your commitment to each other rather that listing off all the demands you have for things he can’t do.
If your honey really is committed to you, he will be open to hearing you out and will want to calm any uneasiness feel. If he refuses to hear you out or even turns thing around and gaslights you, your jealousy and suspicions may be warranted.
In the end, communication and honestly are the key to a healthy, long-term relationship. Try to take a step away from social media and focus on your relationship in real life. Stop stalking and start talking.
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