If You’re Dying To Label Your Relationship, You’re With The Wrong Person
Stop trying so hard to make things official.
It’s no secret that Millennials don’t exactly like labels — 60% of them don’t even identify with being labelled a “Millennial”. In the age of Netflix & Chill, label-less “hanging out” and casual hookups have pretty much become the norm.
So when you actually do find someone special who inspires you to delete your OkCupid account, consider yourself lucky.
The problem is that our modern dating culture has created a sense of urgency to label things too quickly with the person you’re dating.
It’s completely understandable to want to “lock down” your honey when there are more dating options on Tinder than there are takeout options on Postmates.
But the thing is, being in an official relationship won’t actually solve anything. Your relationship isn’t just lacking in a label — it’s lacking in trust and security.
Convincing your man to be Facebook official won’t keep his eyes from wandering or his fingers from swiping right. Only genuine commitment will.
Want to know how you get that commitment? You earn it.
Earning commitment from a relationship-worthy man takes time, effort, and sincerity. You might trick him into thinking you’re the most amazing girl in the world for a few weeks, but when the novelty of the relationship wears off, will he still like and respect you?
When you’re too busy focusing all your time and energy on wowing some guy into calling you his girlfriend, you’ll lose sight of actually being a girlfriend-worthy partner.
The only way to build a healthy, adult relationship is to bring value to the other person’s life so that they will want to do the same with do.
It blows my mind how many of my single girl friends obsess over making every new guy they start dating their boyfriend. Rather than taking the time to really get to know the person and see if they have real, long-term compatibility, they focus all their time and energy on becoming a girlfriend.
This isn’t a sign of emotional maturity — this is a sign of insecurity. Rushing into a relationship might make you feel like you’ve “won” in the short-term, but you’re with the wrong person if he makes you feel like you have to pressure him to make things official.
Why would any woman want to be with a man who didn’t take the time to really get to know her mind, heart, and even flaws before calling her his girlfriend? A boyfriend-worthy man is mature enough to make an informed decision about any woman he makes that big of a commitment to.
Ironically, when you feel the need to label your relationship most, you’re least likely to be with a relationship-material person.
That shiny new girlfriend label won’t stop your boyfriend of 3 weeks from finding a new fish in the sea if he isn’t emotionally invested in you. It will only give you a superficial, false sense of security.
If it isn’t abundantly clear that the two of you are exclusively dating, putting a meaningless label on the relationship is nothing more than slapping a band-aid on a wound. It might temporarily stop your anxiety and uncertainty, but it won’t heal the root cause of your self-doubt.
Sure, you might be able to brag to your friends and family about your new boo, but on the inside you’ll inevitably end up feeling unstable and unhappy. You won’t actually have a relationship — just the illusion of one.
The right guy won’t make you question his commitment or intentions — he’ll consistently show you through his actions that he enjoys spending time with you and getting to know you on a deeper level. You won’t worry that your non-boyfriend is going anywhere because you’ll have actual trust.
Real security comes from authentic intimacy and investment — not labels.
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