From Vladimir To Voldemort: 9 Possible Performers For Trump's Inauguration
Bigotry loves company . . .
America's impending celebrity President apparently doesn't have many celebrity friends.
It would be the understatement of the year to say that President-Elect Donald Trump has been having a bit of a problem finding performers for his inauguration.
In stark contrast to Barack Obama's inauguration — which featured performers such as Beyoncé, Jay Z, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Mary J. Blige, and Stevie Wonder — Trump has failed to acquire musical guests or other public figures for his own inauguration on January 20.
But it wasn't for lack of trying.
People who have vetoed performing for Trump (mainly out of protest) include Elton John, Justin Timberlake, Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, Aretha Franklin, and KISS.
In the spirit of patriotism and respect for the Presidency, we've put together a list of nine possible performers for Trump's big day who would be appropriate for the momentous occasion.
1. Vladimir Putin
It only makes sense that Trump's new BFF should be invited to the inauguration. After all, he allegedly did help his fellow dictator-in-training by hacking the election.
2. Kanye West
Trump and Kanye actually had a brief meeting at Trump Tower in NYC, which makes sense because they have so much in common. Both are entitled egomaniacs who are insensitive to the handicapped. While Trump mocked a disabled reporter during his live speech, West angrily called out two wheelchair bound fans who wouldn't stand up at his live concert.
3. Chris Brown
Donald Trump likes to grab pussies. Chris Brown likes to batter women. It's like two peas in a pod . . .
4. Paula Deen
Who better to cater the inauguration than America's favorite racist cook?
5. Phil Robertson
The Duck Dynasty star is already a huge supporter of Trump's Muslim ban and Mexican border wall. Why not show support for your fellow bigot on his big day?
6. Joffrey Baratheon
Donald and Joffrey might be narcissistic brothers from another mother (which wouldn't be all that surprising, considering what else has happened in Game of Thrones). Both act like petulant, spoiled brats when they don't get there way and have a dangerous thirst for power and corruption.
7. Jenny Humphrey
Everyone knows that Dan's little sister was a selfish, manipulative sociopath who had zero clue that she was the worst. We think Gossip Girl would agree Trump is just as good at being bad.
8. Dan Scott
We still can't believe America did what the people of Tree Hill did, but here we are. We've elected the real-life Dan Scott, and if Trump is anything like Tree Hill's shadiest businessman, be prepared for endless corruption while he's in office.
We think this one speaks for itself.
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