Ahh, Fifty Shades . . . the over-the-top escapist series for sexless middle-aged housewives everywhere.
Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele might be skilled in the bedroom, but they don’t exactly have a way with words.
Here’s the definitive list of every cringe-worthy quote from Fifty Shades Darker that you never wanted to read:
”Desire pools dark and deadly in my groin.”
You should probably get your gyno to take a look at that, Ana.
”Her eyes are brown, like bourbon, but flat.”
Carbonated bourbon is so much better than flat bourbon.
”Desire explodes like the Fourth of July throughout my body.”
So you shot a bottle rocket up your you-know-where?
”Sometimes you're so closed off... like an island state.”
Thanks for the detail. I had no idea what closed off meant.
”A small moan escapes my mouth as my insides melt and unfurl.”
R U OK GURL???
”I could watch you sleep forever, Ana.”
Spoken like a true serial killer.
”I don't know what the social conventions are for meeting known molesters of children.”
“Siri, how should I act around a child molester?”
”You're going to unman me, Ana.”
That sounds like a very irreversible procedure, Christian.
”He has a hotline to my groin.”
Is that a Drake lyric?
”They dance and weave bright blazing orange with tips of cobalt blue in the fireplace in Christian's apartment.”
Pretty sure fire burns blue with orange tips, because #sciencebitch.
SHARE which Fifty Shades Darker quote you think is the most cringe-worthy!