I always believed that a little — keyword little — jealousy in a relationship is healthy.
Everyone gets jealous — even Beyoncé.
“I'm just jealous, I’m just human, don't judge me.”
Think about it. If your significant other never gets jealous when another guy hits on you at the bar or when the waiter flirts with you, he just doesn’t care that much about you.
A never-jealous partner just isn’t all that emotionally invested in you, because a healthy bit of jealousy means the other person is afraid to lose you. If they never get jealous, chances are someone else has your partner’s attention now.
So what do you do when you start to feel twinges of jealousy?
Well, you should embrace it. The only way you will be able to control your jealousy and be an empowered woman is to acknowledge it and understand it.
You probably don’t want to take a baseball bat to his car just because he smiled at another female on the street.
Remember that there’s a fine line between jealousy and possessiveness.
It’s important to take a step back and analyze why you feel that way so you can keep yourself in check.
Jealousy that leads to automatic distrust is extremely unhealthy. Feeling slightly envious and momentary low self-esteem when you meet your boyfriend’s pretty coworker is something all humans experience. But using that as an excuse to snoop through your man’s phone or to stalk her Facebook back to her summer vacation to Hawaii in 2012 is just toxic.
All you are doing is self-sabotaging your relationship. Because even if you don’t find evidence of cheating or betrayal, you will always be tempted to keep looking. You’ve already sowed the seeds of doubt, and those roots are planted deep, honey.
The second trust is gone, your relationship is pretty much doomed.
On the other hand, a healthy dose of jealousy is perfectly normal. If you feel like your partner never prioritizes you over his family, friends, and coworkers, you have a right to say something. Healthy relationships require balance and a level independence, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re always being put on the back burner by your S.O.
If your man is still friends with your ex and that ex is disrespectful of your relationship, it’s completely valid to feel jealous and talk to your guy about the situation.
If your man is being super flirty with the waitress, it’s okay to feel a little uncomfortable and let your partner know how it made you feel.
The important element in all these scenarios is that you keep the lines of communication open. The only way to deal with jealousy is to confront it head on and early on. Don’t keep it to yourself and let it fester. You will only build up problems inside your head that don’t exist and live in a constant state of paranoia that your partner is straying.
Having calm and honest discussions with your man when he does something that makes you feel less-than-amazing is the only way to nip your jealousy in the bud and build trust in your relationship.
You deserve to be treated like a Queen B and shouldn’t settle for someone who doesn’t respect your trust.
And if it turns out your jealousy was founded and your man was being unfaithful after all?
He better call Becky with the good hair.
SHARE how you handle jealousy in your relationship.