So you've been dating your guy for several months now. Maybe he's even your boyfriend at this point. Everything is going great except for one thing: there is absolutely no evidence that you exist anywhere on his social media. For all intents and purposes, you're a ghost. You don't exist. His Instagram is full of pictures of his friends, his coworkers, his dog, even some random dog he saw on the street one time. But you- nope. You're definitely not tagged in anything on his Facebook either. And you're certainly not Facebook official yet.
After so many months together, and so many memories you're wondering: why are you nowhere to be found on his social?
There's a reason, and it's not good. I have personal experience with this on a few different occasions. I dated a guy for five years who never put me ANYWHERE on his social media. We were never Facebook official. In fact, he never even friended me on Facebook and he wouldn't accept my friend request. He didn't have Instagram, but didn't want to be featured on my Instagram either. No shock-- it turned out he was cheating on me. Actually- he fully had a girlfriend. I think I was actually the mistress? I'm not sure how this all works. Either way, I was oblivious to all of it. But, the social media blackout was a warning sign.
I dated another guy who didn't want to feature me on social media either. We took plenty of photos together. He'd even say to me, "that will be cute to post!" but he never did it. After several months it became very clear that although I was his main girl, I was not his only girl.
Is your significant other making a point of looking like he is single on all forms of social media? If so, some of these behaviors might sound familiar.
He Doesn't Follow You on Twitter, But @ Replies with Other Girls
If your significant other is constantly talking to other girls on the Internet but won't acknowledge your presence, you have a problem. It seems like you've got a flirt on your hands who wants to give off the illusion of singleness. If your boo is talking to everyone but you online, it seems like he doesn't want to be connected or traced back to you in any way. Seem harsh? It happened to me, and it turned out my boyfriend was dating me and another girl at the same time. He didn't want either of us to find out, so he made sure to have no contact with either of us on social media so we couldn't catch wind of one another.
You're Nowhere to Be Found on His Instagram
No pictures of you anywhere on the gram? I find this to be highly suspect. If his Instagram isn't strictly professional and he does use it to exhibit his personal life, then you should be on there at least once. If he has photos of his friends, if he has photos of female friends, then damn sure he can have photos of you. And the caption should specify that you are that special lady in his life.
Does this seem crazy/needy? I don't care. Hiding your significant other from the world seems crazier and more suspicious to me.
He Won't Approve Tagged Photos of the Two of You Together
Facebook is tricky because so many people use it for business. For example, I manage several professional business profiles from my personal Facebook page. So, I typically don't keep my personal Facebook up to date with my life events. When I'm in a relationship I don't change my status or post pictures on there. Not because I'm not proud of my sig other, but because I'm friends with my bosses, coworkers, etc and don't want to clog their feed with the tiny nuances of my personal life. It's more of a boundary issue than anything.
So if your partner is being particular about his Facebook, I actually wouldn't sweat it. Unless he's being tagged in photos with other girls, and it says he's in a relationship with someone else, in which case-- maybe worry. (Definitely worry.)
He Won't Be Facebook Official
Along the same lines--this is not that uncommon. A lot of people even have the relationship option hidden from their profile. If your significant other isn't quick to change his status to "in a relationship," I wouldn't trip. Also, it's embarrassing when you change your status and all the sudden your Aunt Darlene comments, "Who's the lucky guy!!!" 14 times with emoticons.
Social Media Solutions
Social media can help you document all the amazing times you have with your partner. But It can also be revealing and detrimental for relationships. If it's blowing things out of proportion in your relationship and causing jealousy, here are some tips to use it more effectively in your life:
If you do post photos together, don't do it too early in the relationship. Just focus on creating an intimacy, not documenting your relationship.
Even if you become official, wait a few weeks or a month before posting it on Facebook. Early relationships are still fragile. You don't want to change your status and then have to change it again a few days later.
Don't snoop and don't stalk his exes. It's not worth it.
Stay away from the following tab on Instagram. It will only cause you unnecessary grief and you don't need to know which bikini models your boyfriend is following.
Good luck. Remember, when it comes to relationships, always trust your gut. And if everything in your relationship is good I-R-L and social media is driving you crazy-- then maybe just
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