Stalking Your Ex's New Fling Is Normal, And There's A Name For It

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Everybody does it.

It's that moment where you get that gut feeling. You know it ladies. You're home alone, sometimes it's after a night of drinking, and you think to yourself: I need to check up on my ex. You decide to look at his instagram-- it's been a while-- and oh my god there it is: he's dating someone new.

You have to look, there's NO stopping you. You've just got to go down this rabbit hole.

All the sudden you're on her page. And within minutes, you're the foremost expert on your ex's new girlfriend Rebecca. You know her friends, you know her favorite food, you know that he gave her flowers on March 22 (why didn't he ever give you flowers?) and that they went to the Lakers game last night. You have a sinking feeling in your stomach but you just can't stop. Girl, we've all been there. There's even a name for it.

Spiraling

You feel sick. It's a breakup relapse. You SWEAR you were over him! It's emotional cutting. And you ask yourself: what am I supposed to do?

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How can you prevent a Spiral?

There are several ways that you can prevent a spiral post breakup. It takes A LOT of willpower not to creep on an ex after a breakup, and even more will power not to creep once an ex has moved on. Here are some tips:

  • Block their social after a breakup/ask them to block you. This might seem extreme, but if you know you're prone to snooping, all this is is just a means of self care. And remember: you come first. This isn't crazy, it's just comfort. And in the end, your ex should agree. This is going to save a lot of trouble, upset calls, and fights that are going to prolong your heartache after your relationship is over.

  • Call a friend when you have the urge to stalk instead of actually stalking

  • Whenever you're feeling jealous, delete the apps from your phone. That way, you'll have to go through the actual trouble of either re-downloading them or accessing them through your laptop, and the extra time to think might allow you some time to talk your self out of it.

  • If you've been drinking, turn off your phone when you're on your way home. Don't turn it back on until the morning.

  • Write yourself a note when you're feeling good about all the reasons you shouldn't stalk. When you're feeling spiral-y, read it before lurking. Let the highest self version of you have a little chat with you when you crazayy.

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How do you get over one?

Easy, two words: self love.

After you a spiral session, it's all about having a self-care day. Most likely, you'll be feeling a little yucky. Bad about yourself. Regretful about your actions. That's okay. Things happen. Don't be hard on yourself- we all do this. So, after a spiral, plan a me day if you can. Look in the mirror and tell yourself some good things: you're worth it, you're valuable. Tell yourself I love you.

Do your favorite things. Go to a used book store. See a movie alone. Get a cheap massage- or an expensive one, if you can afford it. Do some journaling. Put some kindness back into the world. Chat up your barista, give some money to someone who needs it, say hello to a stranger.

Realize that on the grand scale of things, although your relationship ending is very painful, that everything is either a lifetime or a lesson, and that you've gone though pain before and you know that eventually it will pass. Feelings are fleeting, and you'll get through it. And you'll fall in love again. So, spend the day falling in love with yourself, and tomorrow is a whole new day where you can start over.

Remember, we all spiral, it's just about how we bounce back.

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