PSA From Women To Men: How To Be Sexy AF

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Nice guys actually finish first.

I once asked a guy I was dating what his five year plan was and he said "I don't know."

"That's fine," I thought to myself. Maybe five years is too big a chunk of time. So I readjusted the question. Where did this guy--who I was totally smitten with---envision himself one year from now?

He had no idea either.

Here is the thing about said boy: he was the hottest person I had ever seen. A definite 10/10. He was charming, sociable, popular-- but watching this practical male model look across the table from me and tell me verbatim he had no idea what he wanted to do with his life was the least sexy thing that I had ever seen.

I never talked to him again after that night. JK. We went out a few more times but then I actually never talked to him again after that.

There are many things that make men sexy. According to this Reddit thread, women reported they liked things like: being hugged from behind, random acts of affection, smelling good, being a good listener, and literally being Brad Pitt.

But what is it that women are ACTUALLY attracted to?

Bc btw-- looks turn out to not really matter. In the long run, "women typically choose better-looking guys for flings, not long-term relationships."

Here are the things that really count:


Have a Plan

Women want a man with drive. Not where you want to be in your career yet? That's fine. But ambition and an idea of where you want to go are important. If you want to be a director but right now you're just the projectionist at an old movie theater (so you can catch flicks all day and learn from them) then that's great. But if you have no goals or interests, or even worse--- have goals and interests but are taking no steps towards achieving them--then you're probably not gonna get in our pants.

Be Mindful

Get a lil' spiritual. Women tend to be more attracted to men who have spiritual or religious values, appear to be present, or practice some form of meditation. This does NOT mean you do yoga every day, sage every room of your house, and only eat vegan.

But when a guy is in tune with something greater than himself, he usually treats both himself and others with class and respect.

We dig that.


Have a Sense of Humor

An article in Healthline reports that, "when strangers meet, the more times a man tries to be funny and the more times a woman laughs at those attempts, the more likely it is for the woman to be interested in dating. An even better indicator of attraction is if the two are seen laughing together. When people are laughing together they are doing very much what humor is about, which is co-constructing something that's amusing and light hearted with each other.""

Be Altruistic

No surprise, but women like a giver, and not only in the bedroom. According to Business Insider, "Both men and women rated the altruistic people as more attractive for long-term relationships — but women showed a stronger preference for altruism than men did. More recent research suggests that altruism could be even more appealing than good looks."

Why? Being selfless, supportive, and empathetic are qualities most women are looking for in a long term partner.


Be Confident

Be sure of yourself. Be kind, be sweet, but stay in control. There is nothing sexier than a nice guy who knows exactly what he wants and goes after it.



Women want to feel seen and heard. If you're a good listener and can carry a conversation on everything from our favorite reality shows to our family member who we're still not getting along with, then most likely we will see you as relationship potential, and that's sexy AF in our book.

Plus, men who are good listeners are better at sex. Listening isn't restricted to the kitchen table. If a guy demonstrates that he can communicate with you well over day to day things, then most likely he'll be a responsive partner in the bedroom as well.

So guys-- listening pays off.


What do YOU find sexy in a man?

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