I stalk my boyfriend online. God, I really hope he's not reading this article. I don't think he is because honestly the stalking goes one way. Also, I lied. He's not my boyfriend. We're just exclusively dating. What's even the difference? Who knows.
I check his Instagram constantly. I check to see if anyone new is following him and I check to see who he is following. Ugh. There's this one girl he knows. He likes EVERY single one of her Instagrams! If you don't think I noticed that from day one, you're crazy.
I mean, hello, I'm practically a professional at this.
Stalking my crushes and significant others is essentially my #1 hobby. If I make eye contact with someone on the street, I can find them on Facebook within 45 minutes flat. What would I call myself? An avid Internet user? A private investigator? A Hopeless romantic?
No. A stalker, most likely-- and it's going to be the downfall of my relationship. Because another name for stalking is actually self-sabotage.
You secretly want out of your relationship-- and stalking is the way you're gonna do it.
Are there real problems, or are you just bored?
Why are you stalking? Do you actually think your significant other is cheating on you, or are you just bored at work? Are you looking for issues that don't exist?
Sometimes we look for problems because we associate drama and passion with love. Incorrect. Life isn't a movie. In the real world, a successful relationship should be pretty peaceful. We think that if we see that our boyfriend liked a photo of a semi nude bikini model on Instagram, we can yell at him for it, we'll make up, and then be closer than ever. No- you'll yell at him for it, and then you're just the psycho girlfriend who stalks your boyfriend online.
If you're spending your time stalking your significant other and trying to refresh and reload your way out of your relationship, most likely there's something deeper inside you telling you to get out. Or, maybe you're not relationship ready and you have some insecurity issues you still need to explore.
Either way-- if you're trying to indict someone where no evidence exists-- there's a problem.
Stalking shows a lack of trust
Stalking usually doesn't indicate that your boyfriend is doing something wrong, it shows that you don't trust him, probably no matter what he does. I know without a shadow of a doubt that the guy I'm dating is a nice guy. He would never cheat. It's just not in his character. Break up with me-maybe. Break my heart- sure, why not? But cheat- no way.
That doesn't stop me from scouring the Internet to try to find evidence that he is DEFINITELY CHEATING ON ME. In fact, he started following a girl on Instagram a few weeks ago. Of course, I noticed this. I looked at the girls page. It was all photos of her and my boyfriend.
I called him out on it. It was his sister. She finally decided to download the app. I was moments away from messaging her.
I felt verrrrry verrrry stupid. When someone shows you who they are-believe it. If your guy acts like a nice guy, he probably is. Don't scour the Internet looking for evidence of the contrary.
Your Suspicion is a Boner Killer
Nothing is less hot than a crazy girl huddled in the darkness, illuminated by the light of her iPhone screen, lowering her own self-worth by creating conspiracy theories about what her boyfriend may or may not be up to.
Girl, you're busy! Your suspicion is a boner killer for both you and your relationship. Your guy won't find that kind of behavior attractive (if losing him is what's triggered your stalking in the first place), and the highest, most in control version of you isn't turned on by that kind of behavior either.
What's the REAL issue?
Ask yourself: why are you stalking? Do you not feel worthy of your relationship? Of love? Do you secretly want out and are just looking to put the blame on your partner? Do you have obsessive tendencies and are addicted to stalking on the Internet? Do you think you and your partner are incompatible and are looking for evidence of that? Or, do you have an actual gut feeling that he might be up to no good?
Before you stalk think- what is the issue, and is there really an issue at all?
Stalking is Ruining Your Relationship
Psychology Today explains that, "stalking is a compulsive behavior: Most stalkers feel an urge to stalk that is so strong, they often don’t feel they have a choice. (Not true, of course)." While this is referring to exaggerated cases of cyber stalking that often turn dangerous, the emotional urge to stalk typically is similar.
The article explains, "The thinking for the stalker is, “If I don’t give up, one day I’ll have him or her all to myself.”' Tbh, yes. This is exactly the logic behind why I refresh my boyfriends Instagram and Twitter about a thousand times a day so--- I guess I'm a cyberstalker? Oh well!
So the real question is, how do you fix it?
What's the solution?
If you have a serious stalking problem, then it's definitely time to unplug. I have a very strict policy and it's this: mute your crushes. Obviously in the courting process, following each other on social media is inevitable. But once that happens, I very quickly mute anyone I'm interested in or hide their profile so I don't have to see it. Why? Because I'll obsess over it. I know that's part of my personality. I'm an ignorance is bliss kinda girl.
When it comes to a healthy relationship, staying off social media is sometimes the best bet. And if you find yourself stalking, your relationship might be over already.
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