Fuckboys are the cockroaches of the dating scene. You're not quite sure how they ended up in your apartment, you don't remember leaving any crumbs lying around, but there they are, and you have no idea how to kill them. The term fuckboy is thrown around a lot. You've dated one, your friend IS dating one, your sister is divorcing one right now. We label bad men we date as fuckboys as frequently as we label them sociopaths. But what is a fuckboy anyway? Nancy Jo Sales of Vanity Fair described the term fuckboy as "a young man who sleeps with women without any intention of having a relationship with them or perhaps even walking them to the door post-sex. He’s a womanizer, an especially callous one, as well as kind of a loser."
Yep, that sounds about right.
The problem with fuckboys is this: we allow them to exist. We make excuses for them. We justify their behavior. We ignore red flags. We take pride in the fact that a bad boy wants to spend his oh so precious time with us. Then we complain and are somehow confused about getting our hearts broken. Well, methinks it's about time to get rid of fuckboys once and for all. (And probably the term fuckboy in general. Let's replace it with "guy I never should have chosen in the first place.") But seriously--how do we tame these men? How do we train them?
This might be controversial but I'll tell you: old etiquette tips. Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, and the well known book "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider should be your bible. Make a guy jump through some hoops to get to you. Fuckboys won't like an obstacle course and the good guys won't mind a good workout if it means ending up with you in the end.
Here's how to use old etiquette tips with a modern twist to completely rid your life of fuckboys.
DON'T BE A DESPERADO, OBVIOUSLY
Nobody wants something that's handed to them on a silver platter. Pizza's my favorite food, but if it's constantly being offered to me, I'm probably not going to be that into it anymore. Same goes for chasing your crush. This is old fashioned but I'm a big believer in being pursued. You're busy living a full active life. You have a career, hobbies, great friends. What are you doing sitting around staring at your phone waiting for your crush to text for? The more you do you, the more drawn to you he'll be. And, on the off chance you do want to initiate plans with him, be casual and confident about it. Remember: the woman is the one who holds the power in the relationship.
The book "The Rules" is a guide to making a man fall in love with and marry you in 15 steps. A lot of it is very archaic. But, with a modern twist, it can weed out the men from the (fuck)boys.
BE A CREATURE UNLIKE ANY OTHER
I take this to mean that you are a prize and you should act like one. Women are intuitive, powerful, life giving beings and you should never hold yourself as anything less than that, mmmk?
DON'T CALL HIM AND RARELY RETURN HIS CALLS. ALWAYS END THE PHONE CALL FIRST
Has someone ever texted you "how are you?" and then you look at your text back and realize you've written them a novel? Yeah, me too. It's traumatic. If your entire text conversation is mostly blue, sorry, but you're doing it wrong. Leave a little mystery. Be busy. Make him earn being your priority. Leave things to talk about in person. If he wants to finish that conversation, then he needs to make a date. In a digital era, texting can go on for-ev-er. Might be chill to end a convo by saying "I have to go. But if you want to continue this, I'm free Wednesday..."
DON'T ACCEPT A SATURDAY NIGHT DATE AFTER WEDNESDAY
The Saturday/Wednesday thing isn't a hard rule, but basically: don't be his last resort. You're not an afterthought. You're not a plan B. So if he wants to see you, let him put some effort into it.
DON'T TELL HIM WHAT TO DO
Riiiight, of course. Never tell him what to do. How the heck am I supposed to do that?
Show him. It's all about positive reinforcement. A friend of mine wanted her boyfriend to call her on the phone more. So, instead of saying, "Hey PAL, call me on the phone OR ELSE you and me are TOAST!" she simply said to him, "Your voice sounds so sexy on the phone, you should call me more often," the next time he called her. Now he calls her all the time. Boys are like dogs. Or babies. If you tell them good boy every time they do something good, they'll continue to do good things because they like having their egos stroked. What I'm saying is treat your boyfriend like a giant dog baby.
Listen, you're complete without a man. This isn't saying you aren't. But if you're attracting all the wrong ones, or if you're ready to share your super fun and complete life with someone, maybe it's time to shake up your routine. Put yourself on a pedestal and see what happens. Oh, and you can always make him fill out this application first. ;)
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