According To Research, Do Your Past Relationships Help Or Hinder You?
Are you still holding on to that one ex?
We all have baggage. But do you have a small carry on, or are you lugging suitcase after suitcase after suitcase into all of your new relationships?
If you're moving on from a good relationship, maybe it's hard for you to be present in you new relationship because your glorifying the past, missing an ex, wondering what could have been.
If you heart has been broken, you've been cheated on, have been the victim of some sort of abuse-- you might have taken that trauma into new relationships, and applied all the bad qualities of former partners onto your perfectly good, new significant other.
Writer Jessica Dentith explains, "we all have our own history. But one of the biggest mistakes we can make it letting that history ruin a potentially new, interesting story that you can write with another human being."
I'm a visual learner--
So I think of every relationship as luggage.
After it's done- you need to unpack.
You need to do laundry.
Once the clothes are clean, you need to fold them, and put them back where they belong.
And now you have new luggage that is ready for the next journey you are going to take.
Are you actually cleaning out the luggage of your old relationships, or are you just packing clothes on top of each other each time?
When we apply old feelings to new relationships, it's called transference. In The Science of Relationships, Dr. Marisa Cohen explains that she had a friend who "had been cheated on in the past, would transfer the feelings she had for her previous romantic partner to her current boyfriend. After finding out that he was going to be stuck late at work, which was quite often, she would secretly check his email and phone messages. Her feelings of mistrust, which were caused by her previous partner, led to trust issues with and resentment toward her current partner."
Eventually, this behavior ended up sabotaging her relationship.
So when it comes to relationships, remember...
Not every relationship is the same. Don't take your past into your present.
It takes time to heal. Don't rebound.
To move on, you have to forgive and look at your part. Take accountability, each relationship is a lesson in self improvement.
Stop repeating the same mistakes.
Be courageous in your new relationship, and decide to be present and have fun.
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