17 Struggles Only People On A "Cleanse" Will Understand
Breaking up is hard to do.
1. When I decide I'm gonna eat "clean" cause Chrissy Teigan says sugar has cancer.
Bye bye carbs hello quinoa and kale! Watch out, cancer feeding sugars! Prepare for obliteration!
2. and I'm like I can't believe I wasn't doing this all along
It's all about PALEO people!
3. I'm all like "Whoohoo! Nothing but pure! Natural! Healthy! Snacks!"
4. It''s been two hours since I ate, and I'm pretty sure I'm dropping pounds by the second.
"Actually a donut probably would do my health some good right now."
5. When I'm all like "Actually💡 veggies and fruits can be just as delicious as carbs"
6. and it's not even a quarter of the way to lunch but and my stomach grumbles
What I'll do is... spend time ~imagining~ the taste of butter on toast in my mouth.
7. and then someone decides to make today DESSERT day at the office
8. "Nah. I don't want any of those chocolate chip cookies, this kale is gonna be the bombdiggity."
9. and my co-workers are on a chipotle run and it's free guac day.
10. When I'm like, "If I have just a bite of the nachos, I'll probz burn all the calories from it by walking."
11. and the office next to me is microwaving pizza. ARGH the smell of baked cheese is like sunshine to me!
12. but my will power is strong and I can deflect this nefarious desires!
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Nothing tastes....
13. Chrissakes they brought lemon squares?!!
Girl knows I'm the only one who actually eats those
14. Me when Belinda from work is like "Anyone want this last brownie? No? K, I'll just toss it"
15. and then hours after my willpower has died a slow death....
16. I realize that humans are made to eat delicious food. If not, we wouldn't have created it!
17. and my soul is satisfied because the lemon bars and guac have been conquered
Screw diets and cheers to enjoying life! amiright?