16 Things All Vegans Who Loves Junk Food Know
When you're a french fry girl living in a salad world, things can get tough.
When people hear the word vegan, they often think of sad, skinny people eating nothing but salads all day. But vegans can enjoy eating less than healthy foods just like everybody else. Here are 16 things you'll only relate to if you're a vegan junk food addict:
1. Everybody Assumes You're Health Obsessed... And They're So Wrong
... and they judge you hard when you tell them you actually eat crap all the time. The worst part is, they judged you when they thought all you ate was celery, too— so you just can't win.
2. You're Haunted By The Faces Of Women Eating Salads In Commericals
WHY DO THEY LOOK SO HAPPY!? It's a lie. Nobody has ever looked that happy eating salad... except for the women washing their face in commercials. They seem like they have it all figured out.
But strap in, because people assume women love salad. People really assume vegans love salad. If you're a woman and a vegan, you will basically only be served salad for the rest of your life. Most pasta is vegan, people. Please let us have it.
3. You Know What You Can Order From Every Fast Food Restaurant Around
Taco Bell is life. But you know about a million menu hacks to make every fast food joint work for you.
4. You Stalk When New Vegan Junk Foods Come Out
Or new restaurants with vegan option. Or new vegan food trucks. You basically have a vegan donut Google alert.
5. But You Also Love Showing Off Food People Are Surprised Is Vegan
Oreos? I can eat the crap out of them. Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos? Bring them on. Frosting in a can? We can normally eat that too. Just watch the look on the non-vegan faces as you eat 'em up.
6. You Get Weirdly Used To Healthy/Raw/Gluten Free Cake Wannabes
When you go out, so many vegan desserts will also be paleo, gluten-free, raw... basically lacking all normal kinds of delicious. But you get used to them, because they're always available. They don't hit the spot, but they do hit something.
7. You Can Read An Ingredients Label In 0.2 Seconds
It's a superpower you learn within a month of turning vegan and you keep it for life. Give me 10 seconds and I'll tell you if I can eat these weird cookies from the bottom shelf of the sketchy deli.
8. Vegan Ben And Jerry's Changed Your Damn Life
It was basically a spiritual experience. I'm genuinely counting down the minutes until I can try the new Ben and Jerry's almond milk 7 Layer Bar flavor. Though P.B. and Cookies will always be my jam.
9. Traveling And Finding New Weird Vegan Foods Is Delightful
You probably Google translate "eggs" and "milk" before you travel anywhere, you can scan those labels with ease. And it's so much fun finding weird foods to try— but if you actually find a vegan restaurant abroad, you feel like you've won the lottery.
10. But Too Many Nights Of Pasta For Dinner Is Not
You gotta live that sweet carb life, but sometimes you feel lazy. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ And pasta is amazing, but too many nights of just pasta and bread is no way to live. Just keep that nutritional yeast coming, am I right?
11. "How Can You Eat Peanut Butter? It Has Butter In It!"
If I had a nickel for every time I heard someone say that— it still wouldn't stop me from eating 10 jars of peanut butter a week. It's protein, so it's OK... right?
12. You Occasionally Embrace Healthy Veganism And Feel Smug AF
I am eating a salad. I am one with the universe. I am pure. I am... elbow deep into a can of Pringles that I don't remember opening. The health kick never lasts.
13. Holidays Can Be A Minefield
If your family has learned to cook vegan food at the holiday— amazing! But you will be stared down with guilt and expectation until you eat an entire vegan pumpkin pie on your own to show how much you appreciate it. Or they haven't learned and you get to enjoy holiday meals of just potatoes. Hey, it could be worse.
14. Your Friends And Loved Ones Become Experts In Vegan Treats
There are good vegan chocolates and bad vegan chocolates, good vegan cheese and bad vegan cheeses— anyone who really cares will learn the difference.
15. Sides Can Save The Day
When you're at a restaurant and panicking, the side section can save your ass. As long as you can have it fried in oil and not butter, so many deep-fried tasty treats await you.
16. And There Are Always French Fries
Fry to live, live to fry.
Vegans can want to be good to animals, but still eat their body weight in carbs and trans fats. Hey, nobody said vegans had to be healthy!
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